Extreme tapering

DRAFT

Friday "Fun" this week hampered by my inability to do mental maths AND my inability to put one foot in front of the other.  As a result I went arse over tit and hurt lots of bits of me, including my pride.  Luckily I was with two wonderful people who looked after me and fed me curly wurlies until I managed to stagger back to the cafe for my weekly fix of post-exercise chips

Just a fleshwound.  But the bruised ribs hurt a lot more

Anti-ranting

I must confess to feeling sorry for myself after another day of cancelled plans because of illness of one form or another (I've just got over diabetes-related infection waning, to be replaced with asthma-related chest issues again)..... I started googling for advice from other asthmatic diabetics, and came across a blog which had a fantastic post about anti-ranting.  It suggests that when you're feeling a bit down, see if you can think about reasons to be cheerful/grateful/lucky.  You'll always find at least one.  It's here if I ever forget.

So, after about five minutes of thinking hard, I realised that I am a very very lucky bunny;

a) I get FREE prescriptions. In the USA it can cost over $300 per month just to be asthmatic. Quadruple that if you're diabetic too

b) I have friends who voluntarily give me 10 curly wurlies (nothing whatsoever to do with me stealing their wetsuits and holding them to ransom)

c) CS is currently topless, covered in grease and is calling for my attention.

Is it that time ALREADY? Half Iron race briefing

I've had a few issues with injuries, illnesses and panics over the last few weeks, and I'm way behind with my half iron training as a result.  OK, the new Ikea catalogue didn't help.  The nice new duvet with London Underground duvet cover and matching Mind the Gap pillow covers weren't making it any easier.  Throw in some very cute extremely affectionate (albeit flatulent) cats and a CS who kept bringing curly wurlies to my bedside WITHOUT EVEN BEING ASKED, and it was amazing I've ever managed to get out of bed at all over the last few weeks.

This week, Inspirational Kurt held a race briefing, and I really needed to get out of bed for that.  However, there was a bit of a problem.

Recently, due to recurrent infections "down there", I've been having enormous difficulty 

a) wearing pants and
b) keeping my legs together  

OK, I admit, I had similar problems back in the 90's, albeit for completely different reasons.  

The only clean dress I had was a cheeky little black number, which used to work perfectly back in the 90's, but wasn't really suitable for a considerably older woman attending a race briefing**.  I felt very sorry for everyone sitting opposite me.  Which was pretty much everyone, at least at the start.

Anyway, during the briefing, Kurt ran through everything we needed to know about the race, a lot of things we didn't need to know, and quite a few that I never want to know but now can't unlearn.  He then mentioned that each of the swim, bike and run courses will be different to last year.  Pardon?  I've been practicing last years bike course every week for the last five weeks!  Well, I would have if I'd ever been able to cycle more than half way without collapsing inside established financial institutions 

But to my absolute joy (well, as much joy as you could have when thinking about a half iron race), Kurt announced that the bike course was basically one lap of Carats to Newhaven and back, followed by a stop for a bowl of chips, then basically Unnngggghhhh's time trial route.  I could have kissed him.  Not only can I do that course, it's pretty much what I have been practicing for what feels like most of my life.  Well, the chips bit anyway.

Annoyingly, the swim course still involves getting cold and wet, and the run course still involves running, but then you can't have everything.

So, today, I had a go at the OFFICIAL bike course.  I finished!  I didn't die!  I stopped for a curly wurly!  All in a smidgeon under 4 hours!  In fact it went so well, that I saved the chips until after I'd finished the bike course.  It then went so well that I managed to skedaddle 7k of the run course before I collapsed into a heap of blood, sweat and empty curly wurly wrappers.  I then headed back to my London Underground bed, flatulent cats, and an unlimited supply of curly wurlies, where I still am and intend to be for at least the next 48 hours.  Now which one of those cats just dropped that particular stinker?  Ah, I think it was me.

** Ha!  A briefing but no briefs!

ITU LONDON SPRINT WORLD CHAMPS - RACE REPORT (Draft)

Copied shamelessly from my Facebook post.  Must stop doing that.


Ok, I didn't qualify, unless you count entering a random ballot and having your name picked out of a hat. Luckily that's exactly what the lovely people at ITU do to allow numpties like me (tactical or otherwise) to have a go if we think we're hard enough.

RACE BRIEFING

Well, I'm sure there was one, but I was far too busy shopping - we were right next to Oxford Street after all.  Problem is, I'm not sure that a 4 hour shopping trip is an appropriate warm-up for the World Champs.  In fact I was knackered before we even made it to Hamleys.  Luckily CS was on hand to carry all the shopping.  If only he could carry me too....

SWIM 750m - 20 mins. (209/259)

I'm not sure where I left my swim legs. Or arms for that matter. But at least I didn't do backstroke and go in circles, like someone in the previous wave did. Got kicked in the face, arms & teeth, and that was just by me for being so pants at swimming. Oh well, onwards and eastwards, as they say.

T1 - Forever. Bless.  
Still haven't got the hang of it.  But at least I remembered to take my gel, put on my race number, shades and helmet before leaving T1.  Only had to come back once, and that was because I forgot the bike.

BIKE 22.5k - 44 mins. (69/259)
Interesting route - very twisty-turny with a couple of hairpin bends. I learned midway through the course that us slow coaches are supposed to stay on the right and be overtaken on the left instead of the other way round. Oh, didn't we all laugh? Well, most of the laughing was from me, and now when I think about it, none of the lycra-clad speed-freaks thought it was funny at all. Oh well, bygones. Chicked a few blokes, and gained back some places over some other women.

T2 - Forever. Bless.  
But seriously, they made us run loads - I reckon I covered most of the run course during T1 and T2 - not including having to go back to pick up the bike for the bike section, and having to go back to drop the bike off for the run section (apparently, according to the marshalls, you're not allowed to cycle the run course, no matter how much shopping you've done earlier in the day)

RUN 5k - 26 mins. (159/259)
Pardon? I got overtaken by an elderly lady with a limp who sniggered at me while passing. And I've never run 5k faster than 27:something. That can't be right..... Or can it?  Inspirational Steve and Eversmiling Kay were there to cheer me in, and bless them, they cheered me up too.

T3 - Forever.  Bless.
Back to hotel, shower, change.  Yes, I was so long doing that whole triathlon lark that we were running (pardon the pun) late for the poker, so we had to leg it back to the hotel, put normal clothes on, realise I hadn't had a shower, take normal clothes off again, have shower, put normal clothes on again, and skedaddle* to the casino.

POKER TOURNAMENT - 21st out of 112. Now that's what I call a result!
* Skedaddle - a sort of run/walk/stumble that can only be achieved through a full day's worth of physical exertion in uncomfortable shoes.  Not a pleasant sight, and I certainly don't plan on doing that ever again.  Until 5th October, when I will probably "skedaddle" my way through the half iron half marathon.  If I'm lucky.

To Do - Add on the Women, Inspirational Steve, Marianne Clark, ITU Womens Race and Nonny Non, Mens Race, tactical numptiness.

The best half marathon in the world? Probably (Draft)

Stolen from Facebook - needs writing up better....

Those of you who know me, quite a few that don't, and others who have restraining orders against me, will probably be aware that I hate running.  Almost as passionately as I love curly wurlies.

Not any more! (I still passionately love curly wurlies though)

The Bacchus Half Marathon is a mainly off-road half marathon with EIGHT key differences;  

1) It goes through a vineyard

2) There are SEVEN feed stations  

3) You get to taste wine at every single one of them

4) They have jaffa cakes too.  And jelly babies.  And bourbon biscuits.  And mars bars.  Not a kit kat in sight.

5) The views are amazing

6) People dress up - I overtook a banana, but an old lady with the zimmerframe dropped me at mile 10.  At least I think it was a lady.

7) Although there's a little hill about half-way through (yes, we walked it), the last 2 miles are blissfully downhill 

8) It's FUN   

9) If you're not completely full up by the time you finish, there's a free hog roast
10) I'm no good at mental maths

It's the only race I've ever wanted to sign up for again before I'd even finished, it was that good.  I think Sis agreed with me, but it was difficult to tell due to the fact that she was completely drunk and had her head in a vat of roasted hog.  She claimed to be resting, but I knew better - that hog roast was gorgeous.  

Don't even ask about the time - time is an illusion (although it started with a 2, and I was 82nd in my age group)

It also comes in the full Marathon version too.  Ironically they were handing out Snickers.....

Southwater Relays - DRAFT

Thorpedos Torpedos

Reasons why I chose triathlon - useless at team sports

Misunderstanding about the relays - now part of a team.

Mistakes - forgot gel, jacket acted like parachute, left helmet on for the run.

Everyone was lovely.  Felt like one big happy family - although I'm sure I'm that strange old aunt that they have to invite to every family function.